Five Clown-Saving Ideas That Are Worse Than Trading Mitch Marner
By James Tanner | April 27, 2024; 12:00 AM EDT; Toronto, Ontario, CAN; right wing of the Toronto Maple Leafs At Scotiabank Arena, in the third period of game four of the first round of the 2024 Stanley Cup Playoffs, Mitch Marner (16) celebrates his goal against the Boston Bruins. Required Credit: USA TODAY/Nick Turchiaro
April 27, 2024; Toronto, Ontario, CAN: In the third period of Game 4 of the first round of the 2024 Stanley Cup Playoffs at Scotiabank Arena, Toronto Maple Leafs right wing Mitch Marner (16) celebrates scoring a goal against the Boston Bruins. Required Credit: Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, and Nick Turchiaro-USA TODAY / Nick Turchiaro-USA TODAY Sports
Will Carolina be swept by the New York Rangers?
One of the NHL’s most historically incompetent teams is the Toronto Maple Leafs.
You can always count on the Toronto Maple Leafs to make poor decisions, whether it’s through terrible trades, crazy signings, or just plain unclear situations.
They groomed a good general manager for years, let him experience some difficult lessons, and then watched as he dedicated all of his time and energy to another team the one time they had one.
But I’m getting off topic.
The Leafs might be about to make the worst choice in the team’s history, which is saying a lot for this particular team. In light of that, if they are determined to make a poor decision, I have some equally awful thoughts that they might utilize in its place.
Saving the Leaves From Themselves: Thoughts More Dangerous Than Exchange Mitch Marner
Here, the notion is that the Leafs are about to do something stupid, and since they are the Leafs, it’s practically a legal requirement that they do. And since I’m not interested in seeing my best player traded, they may use these equally awful suggestions in its place.
One: See, my mother taught me that you can’t talk about other people if you can’t laugh at yourself. She’s upstairs right now preparing me some meatloaf. So let me begin by presenting the worst concept in history: Everyone laughed at this trading concept, and guess what? I was worthy of it.
One positive thing that came out of this was that the next day, every page I clicked on on my phone displayed an advertisement for Laine and Werenski jerseys, which made me 10% more suspicious. I’ve learned that you can never be too careful from Gene Hackman.
GM Brad Treliving is more than welcome to adopt this suggestion if he is running out of ideas, as it would undoubtedly be worse than dealing Marner.
Two: Hire Drake to write dis-tracks for every Leafs opponent the next season. This is another terrible plan, but it’s still preferable than moving Mitch Marner. Drake’s career is dead. The problem is that he will only humiliate teams that are blatantly inferior to the Leafs in order to prevent more disgrace.
Three: Assign Ross Atkins as team manager. The Blue Jays would be saved, but the Leafs would be destroyed.
Four: Re-sign Max Domi to the $6 million, six-year contract extension that was the talk of the town the previous week.
Five: The Leafs could hire some of the lesser Wu Tang Clan members to hang out with Matthews all summer in an attempt to repair Auston Matthews’ image, which has been tarnished by a very lame association with a certain Canadian Pop Star. This association is worse than when former Blue Jay Carlos Delgado was supposedly best friends with former Much Music VJ Rick the Temp. The last time I saw, U-God and Cappadonna weren’t doing anything, but they could be able to assist.
I’ll confess it now—these are terrible concepts. However, that is the main idea. No team has ever dealt a player that good and won the trade, so the Leafs are unable to acquire Marner. I can assure you that the Leafs won’t be the first. But I’ll take care of them if they have to do something stupid for sure.
The Toronto Maple Leafs have identified their Top 10 prospects for the 2023–24 NHL season. They have also identified five trade targets for the off-season that make sense for the team.
Toronto Maple Leafs Off-Season Projections: Free Agency, Trades, and Draft
The End of May Toronto Maple Leafs Rumor Roundup • The Toronto Maple Leafs Are Awesome: Why Is Everyone So Angry About Them?
Take a look at the Florida Panthers if you are unsure about whether the Leafs should retain Marner. The main reason they are about to make it to their second consecutive Stanley Cup Final is Brad Treliving.
